


She's A Princess To Me

by eu_bean



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Beautiful Girls, Connor and Jared will support and protect her until the end???, Ella Hansen, Ella is such a pretty name pat me on the back, Evan is MTF, F/M, I just needed to make this, I just really love MTF AUs, M/M, Other, Please Don't Hate Me, Trans Female Character, amazing beautiful ladies who deserve respect, okay i'm done, we need more MTF rep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-08 23:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eu_bean/pseuds/eu_bean
Summary: Evan Hansen.Evan Hansen.Evan Hansen.No, that doesn't sound right . . .Evangeline?Eva?Emma?Ella?Ella Hansen.Ella Hansen.Ella Hansen.That's better.





	1. Stain

First day of junior year. 

Fantastic. Another year of panic attacks and sobbing in the grubby bathrooms he memorized each tile and crack of. 13 grey tiles and 12 disgustingly yellow ones, then the rest of the floor made up of 156 tiny white tiles.

Of course, this was the male bathroom and the largest stall. He didn't like the male bathroom. Other boys were scary and intimidating. He liked the idea of a female bathroom. It smelled nicer, better cleaned, and girls were much more what he could fit into. Of course not in a perverted way, but you get the idea. Ever been in a male bathroom? They're disgusting! Piss everywhere and the lingering scent of shit. Okay, you get it.

But now his dilemma was what should he wear. Ah yes, a blue polo and khakis. It was. . . nice, but not his preference. He wanted something more comfortable. Maybe even something flowy. Or loose so it didn't show his lack of curves. He didn't even know why he wanted curves! He should want broad shoulders and a small pelvis and muscular arms! Not a thin waist and swaying hips and thighs like Kylie Jenner or maybe even a cleavage or-

Just get dressed without having an existential crisis, Evan.

Okay, clothing down. Now do your hair without worrying so bad. 

He made his way into the bathroom and began brushing out his hair. Too short. Maybe just grow it out a little longer? Or maybe he could put a few pins in it? Maybe that cute flower one mama always wears? NO. Fuck that's so God damn stupid, Evan. Stop being so. . . gay?

No, that's not right. You like girls, and you've had crushes on guys, so you aren't  _gay._ You're bi. We already figured this out. Stop freaking out about who you are and focus on school. School is important. More important than your stupid sexuality.

School. SHIT. School, you're late!

Evan dashed out, grabbing his backpack and getting in the car, his hair half done. Then, FUCK. He forgot about the lipstick he had put on earlier. It was just a test, okay? 

And it was bright red. Great. Just wash it off in the school bathroom.

Evan barely made it to school with time to spare, covering his mouth with his right hand and the left holding his bag. He sprinted to the bathroom closest to his first period and immediately went to a stall. He pulled out his phone, using it as a mirror on the camera app. Okay. Toilet paper and spit. That's like makeup remover, right? Oh shit okay it smeared just- just keep going it'll be okay. SHIT IT'S STAINING. Okay just keep going. Fuck it's not working!

**RING!!!**

Shit now class is starting and you look like a fucking mess! 

He continued rubbing at it, trying desperately to get off the bright red stain around and on his lips. Fuck it isn't working-

The door creaked, someone walking into the bathroom. Then, they tried opening the large stall that - because Evan's got the best luck - he was in. He heard a groan from the person as soon as they figured out it was locked. 

"Hurry up in there," the voice said, quite unimpressed. 

Evan stopped breathing. Shit. How was he supposed to respond to that tone? He sounded so pissed. . . "Just a minute!" Evan finally answered. 

Wipe off you damn Maybelline! 

He finally got to a point where he looked acceptable, still stained but he couldn't miss class anymore. He went back to the door and unlocked it, walking out with his head down. 

Dr Martens.  _Dirty_ Dr Martens. Untied dirty Dr Martens. The Dr Martens he could recognize from a million miles away. 

Connor Murphy. Fuck.

"Move," Connor ordered, still unimpressed with his hand on his hip, the other in his pocket of his black, ripped skinny jeans. Evan was simply staring at his shoes, frozen in front of him. In front of the door. 

"S-Sorry-" Evan stammered, sneaking out from the doorway of the largest stall. "Meh," Connor replied, pushing past Evan and into the stall then locking it behind him. Evan stumbled to the mirror and looked at himself. Never mind, he totally couldn't go to class. His skin was okay, but his lips were stained dark and it looked like he was still wearing the lipstick. He was ready to sue the makeup company for staying for so damn long! Some sort of long-lasting thing he has heard about on commercials.  _24-hour all-night party action!_  

Fuck off, Maybelline.

So, Evan was back to a stall. A considerably smaller stall, but still a hiding place. 

He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through FaceBook again. He couldn't call his mom, she was drowning in work. Jared was in class, and he probably wouldn't let him out of the whole lipstick thing. Who else did he know? Alana would never get off his back about skipping class. Okay, just. . . spend the day sitting on the toilet cross-cross-apple-sauce. 

So, FaceBook it was. 

Nothing interesting.

Wait- is that- what the hell is that smell? Is that pot? You can't be serious. Is someone- no- is CONNOR smoking pot in school? On school property? 

"Dude. . ." Connor mumbled from his stall. Oh God is he talking to you? Fuck.

"You gotta try this shit,"

Okay he totally was talking to Evan. 

"Uh- I-I- don't know-" Evan replied awkwardly.

"C'mon man," he tried again, a small pound of a fist on the tile sounding. "Come over here,"

Evan was way too nervous and frankly scared of Connor to not obey, coming out of the stall and stumbling over to the large one. He tripped a little, trying not to seem 'un-cool'. The stall was still locked. "Uh, how do I get in?" Evan asked quietly. "Crawl, dummy." And so he did. He crawled under, completely anxious. 

 

____________________

 

 

How had Evan not smoked weed before? It was so. . . calming. 

He wasn't scared like normal, especially not of Connor, who had an arm around his shoulders and was telling some stupidly long joke. 

Now Evan decided it was the best time to start being stupid too. 

"I love wearing lipstick," he said confidently, even smiling. "Cool. So you're like, a crossdresser?" Connor replied, taking another drag from the shared joint. "No, I love wearing lipstick, that's all," Evan corrected and he pulled out his phone, pulling up a photo of him all dressed up in nicely done lipstick and the flower hair clip previously spoken of. 

"I'm pretty, right?"

"Gorgeous."


	2. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap is late and also short bc its 1:30 am and i needa finish this so
> 
> also  
> none of this fic makes much sense  
> have fun
> 
> sluts

"Nice eyes, Hansen," Jared patted Evan's shoulder roughly, snickering to himself as he commented on the painfully red eyes. "Pot? Never thought you'd touch the stuff."

"W-What are you? No! I didn't I mean I did a little but I didn't actually I mean someone offered it so-" Evan tried to hide his high through all of last period, excusing the redness from crying, but Jared could somehow tell. And by somehow, that meant the utterly strong smell of weed on him and his breath. Even his clothing smelled a little. Darnit, Connor Murphy, how did you get him to do this!

"Someone  _offered_ you pot?" Jared scoffed. "You don't have any friends, other than me, and I certainly don't remember offering you pot."

Evan forced a little laugh, scratching the back of his head. "Wh-why don't we just-- not talk about it?" he suggested, speaking a little slower than usual. He also wasn't fidgeting as much.

"Got it," Jared rolled his eyes through his thick rims, throwing his backpack over one shoulder. "Want me to drive you home, Acorn?"

Evan nodded, laughing awkwardly to himself as they both made their way out of the school, since the final bell had rang more than 5 minutes ago and all the students should be out. Evan had also already written his letter and printed it, so he was ready for therapy later that day.

Jared opened Evan's door for him, teasingly saying 'M'lady,' as he climbed in.

"This is why I hate you..." Evan mumbled, chuckling to himself.

These were one of their good days, where they actually acted like friends instead of some sort of weird assholish platonic relationship where Evan didn't even want to be around the other boy.

They drove for a while, listening to Beyoncé and laughing like idiots. For a second, Evan felt good, giggling and girly, then he got home.

"Thanks!" Evan waved as he walked into his small house, and as soon as he got in, dysphoria hit.

He had no idea what it was but his brain went dark as he heard his male voice once again. It was so deep, fuck. He rushed to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. Stubble, wide shoulders, jawline, no chest-- he wanted to puke. 

Instead, he just got an idea. He went to his mom's room, slipping off his shirt, and grabbing one of her pink bras. He slipped it on, looking at himself in the mirror.

This was far beyond just being bi. He wanted breasts, and like, a vagina. 

His eyes widened as he realized something.

He was a girl.

* * *

"Hi, honey! Anything happen at school today?" Heidi asked when she began making dinner, actually having time for it tonight.

Evan jumped at his opportunity. "No-- No-- um, but I kinda-- I dunno. Somethin' happened. Something that made me realize something." He laughed a little awkwardly.

"Oh, realize what?" she asked.

He immediately regretted his decision.

"Oh-- actually, it's not important--"

But Heidi wouldn't take that as an answer. "No, honey. Fill me in! Come on!"

Evan gulped, smiling nervously. "I guess-- we have more in common than I thought."

"In what way, honey?"

The room was quiet for a moment, before Evan just covered his eyes, shoulders shaking. He cried too easily, almost like a girl. Heidi rushed to his side, being over attentive as usual. 

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm sorry--" Evan apologized.

"What are you apologizing for, honey?"

"Being like this--"

Heidi was taken aback. "No, hon, your anxiety isn't a problem--"

"No! Not-- not that--" Evan cut her off, hugging her. "I'm-- Remember when I came out as bi--?"

Heidi pulled away to look in his eyes. "Yes.." she said slowly. "I told you I was bi too and we laughed."

"Okay-- so, I-- um--" a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He worked up the courage, taking a deep breath, before shouting;

 

"I'm a girl!"

 

 


End file.
